build me up… buttercup
August 18, 2008 at 6:40 am | In Uncategorized | No CommentsI came across something very interesting today. Half by accident, half intentionally… weird, I know. I really expected that when this “something” (it was a myspace profile, btw) loaded that I would be really upset and torn apart. My heart pounded and my palms started sweating as I anticipated the photos I knew were about to stare me in the face. And when they did, I felt this incredible overwhelming sense of peace and sheer happiness.
And then I realized… it’s done! It’s gone! The pain of my past is completely healed, and I don’t even have a scar, :-). Instead I felt so much joy for the people in the photos, but even more for myself. I am in a wonderfully fulfilling relationship that I am so confident and (finally!) HAPPY in!
I wasn’t jealous, envious, angry or bitter. Instead it was as if the people were strangers, and I suppose they are. It’s so nice to let things go, it’s sooo nice to be loved…
Ayo…
July 25, 2008 at 7:46 pm | In Uncategorized | No CommentsI’m tired of using technology! Now, don’t get me wrong… I am so thankful and amazed and fortunate that I have ways to communicate with my loved ones when I am so far away. However, I would gladly trade all this phone/internet time to just sit down beside them or across the table from them. Sometimes it is nothing but tiring. You’re trying to get ahold of someone and they don’t have service or you don’t have service, and it’s frustrating as hell!
E-mails are nice too, and everyone likes snail mail! But nothing is better than being able to look into the other person’s eyes as you speak to them. Or to be able to hold thier hand or talk a walk together.
I’m lonely and I cannot wait to get this whole Iraq thing over with.
In other news…
I had a photograph published in the Fort Dix newspaper today. There was also a picture of me in the paper… Fun stuff!
still trucking along… crankily.
July 22, 2008 at 8:05 pm | In Uncategorized | 1 CommentBefore volunteering for this IA billet I was told so many wonderful things about it. “It’s an experience you’ll never forget!” “It will be the highlight of your Navy career!” “You’ll make so much money!”
They don’t tell you about the spider-infested barracks or the small pox and anthrax vaccines that hurt like hell. They don’t tell you that during your training you can’t leave base or wear any civilian clothes.
It’s pretty much like being in boot camp all over again, except we have our computers and cell phones.
I was also told that we would get about a week off before shipping off to Iraq. Well, we definitely don’t get that either! We can’t even have visitors here. It sucks that you’re stationed overseas and then you come home and are so close to the people you love and yet you still can’t see them.
What would it hurt? All they are doing is hurting morale and pissing a lot of people off. I tell you what… I would never do this again. They don’t care anything about us. They’re just here to do their job, which is to train us and anything that would go above and beyond that is completely out of the question.
3 ½ more years until I’m free again…
It’s Ear-rock, not I-rack!
July 20, 2008 at 2:48 am | In Uncategorized | No CommentsThis whole NMPS process has been nothing but a pain in my ass! Thank goodness it’s over… now we’re on to the next step. 4-5 weeks of training at Ft. Dix, New Jersey. Army training… Hooah. Haha I think they’re trying to transform us sailors into soldiers. We’ll be spending plenty of time out on the range shooting. We’ll also be doing lots of convoy training and land navigation. I’ve never done any of these things before so it should be interesting… pictures to come. For now, here are some of the team last night at the casino.
It’s the journey, not the destination. Right?
July 15, 2008 at 8:44 am | In Uncategorized | No CommentsTags: Navy, Iraq, Singapore, Gulfport, NMPS
Day 1 of NMPS:
Gulfport is hot as heck… and humid!
That ever so popular military motto you hear all the time, “Hurry up and wait…” has never been more true than going through this process! Most of the stuff we did today doesn’t really seem to have accomplished anything.
The biggest step forward was the issuing of our uniforms for deployment. Apparently everyone going over there now is issued ACUs, which is the Army’s uniform, and so we got those.
The whole team (myself and 5 others) went out to dinner tonight and have been sticking together, of course. I’m beginning to get my excitement back. I have a lot of confidence in these people, even after only having know most of them for 4 days.
It’s great to have Vee going with me. We’re the only 2 girls, and since we worked together the whole time I was on Diego it makes me feel better about the whole thing.
Jason, my stepfather, left for Afghanistan today. He left before me and he’ll return long after I’m already home. That’s whats so fucked up about the Army. It doesn’t even really seem like they care about their soldiers sometimes, just sending the same people over and over again. But at the same time, it is the job we all signed up for. (In a sense.)
Much more than myself, I am worried about him. And Justin. Since Justin is combat camera he’ll be out in the field a lot more than I will. It’s kind of cool that we’re deploying at the same time, I just wish that he wasn’t.
We have so many hopes and dreams together, I can’t imagine not having him, but these are the things you can’t help worrying about when you’re going away to a war zone.
Things should get a lot more interesting, especially next week when we begin our actual weapons and combat training. I’ll keep you all posted…
Oh and there is a blog to come about my awesome stay in Singapore this past weekend… I have a new favorite city! 
- I loved Singapore!
At the risk of sounding like a fanatic…
July 7, 2008 at 8:36 pm | In Uncategorized | 2 CommentsTags: Darfur, genocide, United Nations, Sudan
Show me an unlabeled map of the continent of Africa, and I probably couldn’t point Sudan out to you. I do know that it borders Egypt, Ethiopia and Kenya. And I do know that what is going on in the Darfur region of the country of Sudan right now is wrong.
Since the conflicts began in 2003 nearly 3 million people have been forced to flee Darfur. 400,000 people are dead. Aid workers from the UN have been forced to move the refugee camps 31 times in 5 years to avoid attacks from the Jamjaweed and Sudanese Army (who still denies any involvement in the massacres.)
The Jamjaweed is an Arabic nomadic group of people within that country who have been recruited by the government of Sudan to in a sense “empty” or “cleanse” the land that is Darfur. The majority of the population in this region (the nomadic Jamjaweed and the agricultural tribes) are all Sunni Muslims, therefore it can’t be a religious war. Is it more of a racial or cultural conflict?
I am still confused on the reason why all this is going on. Ethnic cleansing? It doesn’t quite seem that way. The Darfur region of Sudan just may be a region of potential oil wealth. But why kill people for that?
I truly believe that this gross conflict is something the US could put a stop to. Look at the empty and asinine situations our government has gotten us into lately… (Iraq … Afghanistan.) The UN however has proved many times that although they have the resources to help people, they don’t like getting their hands dirty.
As a member of the military I would much rather be sent somewhere to help people who genuinely want our help. Instead we’re pouring thousand of troops into lands where people we are told we’re “helping” are really just trying to kill us.
You could try to sell me the argument that if we went to Sudan those people would turn against us as well. You could tell me that the very people who would support us going into Sudan to provide relief would be the first calling for us to pull out.
Oh I have no doubt about the second part. The first part is also very likely.
However, when the Jewish people were being slaughtered by the millions at the hands of the Nazis we didn’t get involved until it was MUCH too late. I didn’t live in that time, I can’t say if the American people really knew what was going on or not.
How long must this go on in Darfur? Must it be considered genocide before we intervene? Do six million people have to be dead again before we’ll help?
One thing is for sure, no one will be able to say they didn’t know this time.
I’m not claiming to be an expert on this subject. I have only just become aware of it and only just begun to educate myself on the conflict in Africa, but I think others need to know as well. If there isn’t anything else I can do, I can help to educate others.
blargh…
June 30, 2008 at 9:53 pm | In Uncategorized | No CommentsI arrive in Baghdad the day before my 23rd birthday…
I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer…
June 29, 2008 at 11:24 pm | In Uncategorized | 1 CommentI had a dream that I was stuck inside one of those fountains that spits water from one hole to another in streams. And as I traveled alone throughout the many regions of this fountain it was like being in different countries or even on different continents. I would get comfortable in the quiet and warm currents of water below the surface and just as I began to relax or to believe everything would be okay again I was rocketed high into the air and landed hard into something totally different… yet again. There was a false sense of security about the pool of water in the middle of the fountain… It seemed so peaceful and so constant. It wasn’t. Every droplet of water in that fountain was continuously moving, and I with it. Tossed and swished and dunked and whipped. And then I stopped fighting. I stopped breathing. I gave in. That is when the peace set in.
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♥Diego Garcia!
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